Stella, Get Your Man Read online

  “I told Tom about the family business.”

  “Ah, so you did that, huh.”

  Okay, somebody was gonna die, and I was thinking Jake looked like a pretty good victim.

  “Yeah, you know, I thought it best to let him know, common courtesy and all. I’d want to know if I were him.”

  What in the hell had Jake told him? I gave myself a mental shake, just to clear my head, and kept on nodding like an idiot.

  Tom smiled. “Well, since you didn’t know who I was, I can see how you wouldn’t want to talk about it to a stranger.”

  I smiled. “Well, I would’ve come to see you as soon as possible, common courtesy being what it is.”

  Jake was enjoying himself. He was actually smirking.

  Marti was bearing down on me with a loaded plate and I seized the opportunity to change the subject.

  “Looks great! I’m starved!”

  Jake leaned dangerously close, inspecting my order and snagging a bacon strip. His shoulder touched my arm, his thigh brushed against mine, and I caught a whiff of spice and something undeniably male before he drew back.

  I stared at my plate, felt the color rise in my cheeks and knew Tom or Marti would see it and wonder. After all, Jake was my cousin, wasn’t he? I gave myself an imaginary bitch slap for that one. Couldn’t I have concocted a better story than that?

  “So have you found out any more about your victim?” I was trying to sound interested, and while I was curious, I was way more interested in moving the topic away from my life and onto something neutral.

  Tom chuckled. “Well, I doubt it has anything to do with you being here,” he said.

  “Well, of course not! Why would—”

  Jake rescued me. “Now, Stella,” he began. “I know you’re scared, but—”

  “Scared? I’m not scared!”

  Jake actually reached over to pat my knee as though I was some frail flower of a woman. He gave Tom one of those man-to-man smiles. And had he not also reached to take my hand, I believe I would’ve smacked him. His grip on my fingers prevented me from doing anything but nonverbally promising him retribution.

  “I told Tom about your little problem with Joey Smack. Don’t worry, nothing’s going to happen to you now.”

  Tom nodded. “I’m just glad you gave me a heads-up, Jake. I imagine riling up a mobster like Smack is about the same as spraying gasoline on a hornet’s nest.”

  The two men chuckled like conspirators in a locker room.

  “I bet Stella can handle herself.”

  The unexpected comment coming from Marti brought Tom’s manly act to a grinding halt. He knew with one quick glance at his redhead that he’d stepped in it and stepped deep.

  “Oh, now, ladies,” he said, his hands held palms up, traffic-cop style, “I didn’t mean to imply…”

  “Really?” Marti’s hands were on her hips, her head cocked to one side, and a dangerous glint twinkled in her eyes.

  “Well, if I did, I…”

  “Uh-huh,” Marti said. “Well, maybe you did and maybe you didn’t. All’s I’m saying is, maybe you’d better not go around underestimating folks, ’cause maybe there’s a lot of us stronger than you think.”

  A customer slid his mug forward halfway down the counter and Marti began to move off toward him, coffeepot in hand.

  “Oh, shit,” Tom murmured.

  I grinned. I had a new friend.

  “Stella,” Tom said, “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t take care of yourself. I just meant that I’m here if you two need me, that’s all. I’ll keep my eye out for him.”

  I tried to smile, but I had a mouth full of raisin toast.

  “Yeah, the repo business ain’t always pretty,” Jake said, “but it’s a livin’!”

  He reached for the check and stood, pulled a few bills from his wallet and tossed them onto the counter between us.

  “That should cover yours, too, cuz. Now don’t dally too long. Remember, we’re meeting Nina and—” he paused, inspecting his wristwatch “—well, we’re already late.”

  Before I could swallow the toast, Jake was gone, out the door, into his car and out onto the road. I was fuming. If this was his idea of fun, well, I had a few things to teach him.

  “Looking for a man and his dog, eh?” Tom chuckled. “What a story!”

  “What?”

  “He’s not your cousin, either, I suppose?”

  I met Tom’s eyes. Shit. “No, he’s not my cousin. He’s my partner in the repo business.”

  Tom was shaking his head. He looked down the counter at Marti. “Well, this’ll please her.”

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “Hey, Marti, come here!” He pulled out a five-dollar bill, and when she approached, he stuck it in her open palm. “You were right.”

  Marti looked at me and grinned. Without another word, she pocketed the money and rushed off to refill more coffee cups.

  “What was that all about?”

  Tom nodded to Marti, open admiration in his eyes. “When you came in, Marti said you two certainly didn’t look like cousins. I couldn’t understand what would make her say that, so I said you were and she said she’d bet five dollars you weren’t.”

  I could feel my cheeks turning scarlet and the diner suddenly felt like a sweltering summer day without air. Somehow I felt certain none of this would be happening if we’d only followed Nina’s advice sooner. We needed a corporate mission statement, something clean and clear, something that said we will not go off half-cocked, making up stories that were as transparent as my embarrassment was now.

  I don’t even think I said goodbye to Tom or Marti. I drove the few short blocks back to the beach cottage in a red haze of humiliation and fury. Jake Carpenter had gotten the best of me for the very last time.

  I pulled up in front of the cottage, narrowly missing a departing white panel van and made a beeline for the front door. Nina was standing there, watching me, waving me in like a third-grade teacher ending recess.

  I suppose that’s why I didn’t see the immense pile of dog crap; the thick, brown mountain of doo-doo that could only have been produced by…I looked up at the house next door, saw the blind slats twitch and raised my fist irritably. I didn’t care if he was a senior citizen, some things you just don’t do. Scoop your poop!

  “Hurry up!” Nina yelled, but when I came within ten feet of her, she wrinkled her nose. “Ew! What is that smell?”

  I stopped at the bottom step, scraping my foot against the edge of the walkway and gave her the evil eye.

  “What do you think it is?”

  She looked over her shoulder, then back at me. “Lloyd?”

  Lloyd appeared in the doorway behind her. I climbed the steps, gingerly removed the offending shoes and started into the house. Lloyd blocked my progress, sniffing vigorously, tail wagging in a doggie orgy of unrequited lust. It was the scent of his beloved.

  “Lloyd, back it up. I’m late.”

  I fully expected a lecture, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the scene inside. They were all wearing black sweat suits, all of them. Even Lloyd wore a toddler-size black sweatshirt. The furniture had been pushed back against the walls. New Age music played softly in the background, and the smoky scent of patchouli incense had obliterated the breakfast smell of frying bacon.

  But it was the floral arrangement that had me. They were all standing around the kitchen counter, studying a monstrous arrangement of deep red roses, lilies, carnations, greenery, birds of paradise and tall spires of purple statice. It was easily four feet tall, including the giant urn, and must’ve taken two men to deliver.

  “Nina, did we really need flowers? Isn’t this a little bit much?”

  Nina’s eyes widened. “I didn’t do this.”

  I met Jake’s eyes, saw the grim set to his jaw, and knew somehow we’d been made.

  “They’ve got your aunt’s name on the card,” he said, and handed me the small white square of card stock. “Doesn’t say w
hat florist delivered them, either.”

  I took the card and studied it. There was no message inside, only Aunt Lucy’s name and address. I looked up and saw the worried expression on my aunt’s face.

  “Did you tell anyone where you were going?” I asked.

  She started to shake her head and stopped. “Well, I told Maria McCarthy, but I had to, this is her house. But I didn’t tell anyone else.”

  “Would she?”

  Aunt Lucy’s eyes slowly closed. She pulled her lips together in a tight line and shook her head. “I didn’t tell her not to,” she said at last. “I figured if I made it a secret, then she’d be more tempted to blab. If it was just a vacation, well—” she shrugged “—what’s the big deal?” Aunt Lucy began to panic. “But she doesn’t know… I mean, I don’t even know this man. Who is this man?”

  I slipped my arm around her waist and stood looking at the flowers. “Honey, you’ve got an admirer. First a parade float, now the flowers. Somebody saw you on TV and now he’s smitten. Mrs. McCarthy probably knows him. Maybe she told someone else and they know him.”

  I locked eyes with Jake again. “It’s no big deal. I’m sure he’s harmless, but why don’t you give her a call and just see? It’ll make you feel better to know who it is. Then you can maybe send the guy a nice thanks-but-no-thanks note and call it a day. Okay?”

  The spark came back to my aunt’s eyes. Aunt Lucy was feisty most of the time; determined, strong-willed and very much in charge of her life, but I’d noted recently that it was the little things that threw her. I figured my uncle’s murder had done this to her. She’d lost her footing in the world. Uncle Benny had always taken care of the details. Now, Aunt Lucy had to be overwhelmed.

  Aunt Lucy stepped away from us and reached for the phone that hung on the kitchen wall. No one said a word as she dialed. Behind us Nina’s woo-wah music changed to the sounds of a tropical rain forest. A macaw screeched and we all jumped.

  “Maria, it’s me, Lucy. Listen, I gotta ask you something.”

  Two minutes later we all knew the score. No, Maria hadn’t told a soul and now she’d make double sure she didn’t, although she was delighted to hear that my aunt had a secret admirer. Maria had also wasted no time in giving Aunt Lucy a bit of town gossip and opinion, as well.

  “She said she’d heard about someone stealing Joey Smack’s sleigh, and said there’s talk it was you, Stella, who was responsible. She said, ‘Your niece wouldn’t do a terrible thing like that to that nice man, would she?’”

  “Aunt Lucy, he didn’t pay for the sleigh. It’s not my fault it got repo’ed.”

  My aunt threw up her hand. “Don’t tell me! Joey Smack’s a lying dope dealer, that’s what he is, but you can’t convince some people.”

  Some people indeed! I shook my head.

  Nina had wandered closer to the flowers and was now pulling back stalks and peering intently into the center of the arrangement.

  “What’re you doing, baby?” Spike asked.

  Nina’s muffled voice came back to us through the greenery. “I’m just checking to make sure it’s not booby-trapped or anything. One time I watched this movie and…”

  I gave Nina a nudge with my hip, just a little “shut up you’ll scare Aunt Lucy” nudge, but it was stronger than I intended. She went flying forward, into and through the flowers, arcing into an accidental somersault that brought the faux-Greek urn tumbling along behind her.

  Flowers went everywhere. Water spewed. Nina shrieked and Lloyd came dashing to her rescue, making an already chaotic situation worse.

  “Get off me, dog!” Nina cried.

  The macaw on the tape screamed bloody murder. Lloyd scampered to escape Nina, and somehow, in all the turmoil, the urn broke into large chunks.

  I found the tiny black button among the pottery shards. I picked it up, folded it over into my palm and stuffed it into my jeans pocket. I had worked Vice Narcotics long enough to recognize a listening device when I saw one.

  Jake didn’t miss it, either. I looked up, saw him watching me, and mouthed “bug.” He nodded toward the stairs, turned and slipped off before the others noticed. Within moments I followed.

  When I reached the bedroom I found Jake staring out a window at the street below. I crossed the room and stood beside him, inspecting the empty street and the beach beyond that.

  “See anything?” I asked.

  Jake shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just figured they’d have a listening post nearby. But I don’t see a thing.”

  I scanned the street again. It was completely empty.

  “Two possibilities come to mind,” I said. “Aunt Lucy could have a stalker on her tail, or Joey Spagnazi’s found us. I think we should check the local florists and see if the flowers came from a local shop. It’s a long shot, but it’s possible.”

  Jake nodded. “All right, you do that and I’ll—”

  “Whoa, Jake, we need to get something straight here. I am not your employee. This is my agency.”

  “Actually, I believe it’s our agency. I went in on this fifty-fifty. I put the deposit down on the phone system.”

  “And I put the security deposit down on the office and paid the first month’s rent. I believe I was the one who came up with the idea for this business anyway. I invited you, not the other way around.”

  Jake nodded, as if he finally understood. “Oh, I see. You asked me, so that makes it your business and I work for you, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Wrong, Valocchi. You might’ve come up with the idea, but I’m the one who scored the repo contract for Lifetime Novelty. This is a partnership, Stella, even up, equally divided.”

  I couldn’t believe we were arguing about this when my aunt was being stalked and we had yet to begin our first real job.

  “Jake, we don’t have time for this. We can talk about it later. Right now we have to—”

  Jake folded his arms across his chest. “No, we clear it up right now. I’m nobody’s employee. Either this is a partnership or it isn’t.”

  It was a standoff. Neither one of us spoke for what seemed like an eternity. I was feeling more and more desperate by the moment. I needed to know what was going on with Aunt Lucy’s secret admirer. I needed to know if Joey Smack had sent the flowers hoping to scare me because I’d realize he knew where we were, and that if flowers got through to my aunt, so could he.

  “You need me, Stella.” Jake spoke softly, almost whispering.

  “No, I don’t.”

  He stared at me and for an instant I saw hurt and knew I’d wounded him somehow.

  “Yes, you do. You can’t work Mia’s case and look out for your aunt all by yourself. Besides, I have Mia’s manila envelope. Without that, you can’t reach her. You can’t read what the last investigator found.”

  For some reason, I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to give him that much power or space in my life, even if it was purely business. But then, what choice did I have? I referred to him as my partner, but I hadn’t really thought of him as my equal partner; somehow the word equal just stuck in my throat like a lump of wood.

  “All right,” I said. “We’re partners.” When I saw that he was still waiting, I added, “Equal partners. But you can’t keep issuing orders.”

  “You, either.”

  I nodded. “Fair enough. We discuss it, then we do it. No running off to investigate on our own without telling the other one. It’s dangerous, anyway.”

  “I agree. We discuss it.” Jake walked to the chest that stood between our two beds, opened a drawer and pulled out the manila envelope.

  “Here you go,” he said. “There isn’t a report from another investigator in here. Looks like Mia wrote down what he told her, but there’s nothing formal.”

  “Did she write down his name? Maybe we could talk to him and—”

  Jake shook his head. “All she has down here is that her brother was born here and adopted by a local family. She doesn’t have his name. She thinks he wa
s born in 1962, but she’s not sure.”

  “Damn. That doesn’t give us anything. I’ll have to go through newspapers, birth records and whatever else I can find to figure out who was born and raised here and who was also adopted. This could take forever.”

  “It’ll give Spike and Nina something to do,” Jake offered. “That would free us up to go find out what we can on the flowers and the bug.”

  I nodded, my thoughts racing. There should be mention of Mia’s parents’ deaths in the paper and certainly in the county records. We could track him that way.

  “I’ve got a few friends who might be able to tell us more about the bug,” Jake said. “It might help to know where it came from and how easy it is to buy them.”

  “Are you two having sex, or what?” Nina yelled from downstairs. “I thought we were going to meditate.”

  Nina’s tone was ominous.

  “Great! Now Nina’s going to be pissed off. We really don’t have time for this.”

  “Family business,” Jake said. “Sounds great in theory, but in practice…”

  I ignored this and started past him toward the stairs. He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

  “What?”

  “It’s not so bad, is it?” he said.

  “What?”

  “Being equal partners.”

  I frowned and attempted to slip out of his grasp, but his hold tightened. He reached out with his other hand and tilted my chin up, forcing my eyes to meet his.

  “Is this so bad, Stella?”

  I felt the pilot light in my stomach catch and ignite slowly into a steady flame of awareness. I wanted to move, ordered myself to go, to run away, but found my body wouldn’t act. I saw him bending closer, felt the taste of his lips on mine even before he kissed me, and realized that my eyes were slowly closing in delighted anticipation.

  What was happening to me? One moment we had been fighting over an equal partnership, the next we were doing this.

  As Jake’s lips found mine, I let my arms reach up, circling his neck and drawing him closer until I felt my body move against his.